Nothing's fine, I'm torn...

Wednesday, December 16, 2020

Oh yes, it's the Natalie Imbruglia song that's on my head right now. You know that moment - when you're in a certain situation and a song lyric just fits perfectly? You're breaking up with your really nice boyfriend and so you just can't have the heart to tell him it's over, you sing, "breaking up is hard to do." Or maybe you're trying to explain the customer over the phone why her bill is so high and you're just going back and forth with your explanations, and suddenly at the back of your head you sing, "round and round and round it goes..."

Yes, this is me right now.

Nothing's fine, I'm torn...

I am torn between a lot of things right now. I am torn between reading Rant and Tomorrow In Battle Think On Me. Should I continue writing in my old blog and make my future posts count or start anew? I am caught between leaving and forgetting everything behind to enjoy a clean slate and actually live continuously and accept that triumphs and failures are both wonderful experiences that are part of growth and self-improvement. I am torn between doing a lot of things, things that matter and things that I love, and sitting idly to just watch the world go by. Hell, I even feel like I'm torn between rebellion and submission! 

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel...

But unlike how the song goes, I am not all out of faith. Somewhere along the way, I'll find the most suitable answers. Eventually, I'll come up with a decision. And it won't be too late. 

Or maybe I am just caught up with the fact that this awful year is finally ending.


Do I get up or do I just stay in bed and stare at the ceiling some more?


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