bethgstories

Dude, it's been five months that I am stuck at home and I am still thinking about the life I had (we all had) before all this mayhem. The president has gone in perpetual isolation, PhilHealth is about to run out of funds, and I have become a Kpop fan with the ability to ask my idol out for dinner and suggest places and even drinks in Hangul given the chance. Life isn't that good, but nevertheless still good at some point. There's been a lot of things I've learned to love while in my own isolation. The voices in my head have become friendlier that it allowed me to write a low-key decent fanfic and I am now working on chapter 6. I discovered an old friendship and I am glad we're back on track, this time through fangirling and sharing little life lessons and discoveries. I am an active member of a three-people bible sharing group, and we do it over cups of coffee on Sundays. My dad and I subconsciously launched my room renovation project - he built me a closet, a books

There's something therapeutic about watching other people plan their lives thru notebooks, colored pens, and stickers in a time lapse. Those Youtube videos of people making bullet journals and writing in calligraphies are oddly satisfying to watch, and I thought maybe if I do it too I'd feel much better about myself. It took me a long time to decide whether I'd finally do bullet journaling or not, simply because I was scared that I won't be able to keep it up. I know myself, one moment I'm so excited to do something and the next moment - poof - all the excitement would be gone. I'm a "planner person" though - and with planner person I mean I'd buy a planner every year. It has to be cute and has to have a lot of room for writing "brain dumps". Starbucks planners used to be my thing, but I don't know when they started producing crappy stuff that I felt it would just be a waste. This year, I bought a ready-made planner and a dotted noteb

It's been more than a hundred days since the quarantine period started, and most people are now allowed to go outside and even dine in at restaurants and some cafes (though I've heard that Starbucks is still empty). But to immunosuppressed people like me, life goes on in the confines of our homes. I think it's going to be like this for us for a while, as long as there is no known and approved cure for covid-19. I've been trying to come to terms with this new reality even if it's hard, because what choice do I have? Summer came and went just like that (though in my country there are only wet and dry seasons). I still have my job, and I managed to do just fine despite my mobile internet connection (PLDT has the lousiest customer service ever). Three birthdays in the family have passed and I celebrated mine with hotdogs and marshmallows on sticks. I've read a couple of books, or maybe three and gained a bit of weight. I've watched 7 kdramas in total - I started

I'm done watching my fourth Kdrama of the month and I plan to keep on going. I suddenly lost the drive and the interest to work on the unread books in my shelf. The storyline that I am working on for the workshop is still left unrevised. The next entry for my blog series is nowhere near done, and I am trying to decide if I'd still continue the project. The enhanced community quarantine has been modified, and the rules have loosened if just for a bit. I want to visit my doctor to check if my prescription dosages need to be adjusted but I can't - out-patient clinics are still closed. Yet the malls are packed with the unsuspecting crowd, lounging around without care in the world. It's as if the virus is gone and everyone just went back to the old normal. I'm scared and anxious, to the point that something worse is bound to happen. A part of me wants to go out. I am running out of good pens to write with and highlighters to adorn my bullet journal that seems to be falli

Alone time is the greatest gift I could give myself - in between the craze of my 9-5 job and helping my indecisive character until 2 in the morning to solve the problem she created herself. I like it when I am alone in a table for two at an Instagrammable cafe, taking pictures of the books I just bought from a nearby bookstore while enjoying my americano. I like the silence in the dressing rooms when I try dresses at Forever 21, take mirror selfies and send them to Nicole so she could tell me if I should buy it or not. I like it when I attend mass at the chapel where I don't know anyone and no one knows me because it feels good and liberating to offer a stranger the sign of peace. I like it when I go to the spa and be pampered on the massage table for two hours. I like it when I'm finally in a UV Express car after a long day, when it's dark and slightly raining and my Spotify playlists are plugged in my ears. It's been 48 days (I'm not sure, I lost count) since the

1. Most people don't really care. As long as it's convenient for them, they'll be quiet as if they don't exist. But if the odds are not in their favor, they'll make noise. And a loud one at that. 2. There's no such thing as plenty of time for a procrastinator. You'll always end up cramming no matter what. 3. Boredom can become your avenue to trailblaze wonderful things. No, it doesn't have to be something that hasn't been done by other people - establishing a book club, even if there's only three people in it, just because you're bored really says something. 4. If you're working in an office setup, working from home is far more tiring because the pressure to be productive is more real when your boss relies on machine-recorded stats. 5. Zoom conferences are encouraged because it allows us to hide the mess in the background that is our home. 6. I work more effectively and efficiently when I am on my own. 7. Your 2020 planner is not a waste

Let's get the pretty started! It's been two years since the last time I posted about makeup , and god, how I missed it! I do not have a lot of things in my make up bag - I successfully downsized the makeup products I own to the ones I only use on a regular basis. I think as you get older, you'll develop the habit of keeping it basic, buying just the things you need and stop wasting money for stuff that won't kill you not to have (or maybe this is just me, idk). For how long I can keep this, I don't know - because soon there's a package somewhere full of make-up on its way to my doorstep. But for now, here are the make up products I use everyday.  Face I categorise sunscreen as a skincare product so it's going to appear on a different entry (please watch out for it) and I only use primers when I feel so extra in the morning, or to make sure that my make up stays in place for when I have somewhere else to go after work . I was never the foun

Time flies by when you're having fun - this is what I always say whenever I feel like I am running out of time to meet deadlines, or catch myself wondering where the days have gone. Another decade has come to an end, yet oddly, it feels like it was just yesterday when it began. I was going thru my drive the other day in an attempt to delete unnecessary files when I came across pictures that depicted how the past ten years unfolded. Some of them were blurry (phone cameras sucked 7-10 years ago) and most of them were raw and filter-free. Looking back, I felt nostalgia and longing - those were the good old days frozen in time where I can never go back to, yet I'm glad because they happened. 2010 July 2010 It's my fourth year in the BPO, which meant I had been spending 3 Christmases and 3 New Years at work. It was around this time when I discovered eyeliners and the wonders they could do to my eyes. Hoop earrings were also my thing, along with mini-dresses, denim jea

Should I get up now? Wait, it’s still dark outside, I can still have like, seven minutes, right? Should I go to work today, though? What if I just call in sick? After all, I feel very sick and exhausted right now… and it’s for tomorrow. Oh yes, these malicious thoughts cloud my mind, if not all the time, then most of the time when I wake up and think about going to work. I believe most of us have gone through this most daunting decision every working person has to make. The decision that could make or break your career, depending on the circumstances. When I was working in the call center industry, this was something I always ask myself in front of the mirror as I brush my hair and put on my eyeliner. Should I go to work today? Surprisingly, the answer is always yes. Should we go to work today? Starting your day right I’m not really sure what it means to “start your day right”. Is it watching gruesome news while having your morning coffee? Or smi

The forever symbol of consumerism My Saturdays have already been devoted to working on my freelance projects, or some of my almost forgotten WIPs—but today was different. I realized I was running low on prescription drugs and my skin badly needs intense moisturizing. So I went out, met with Kim, had lunch, and after picking up everything we need, had coffee. She’s one of the few friends I’ve got with whom I can share my most obscene and vilest thoughts without the fear of being judged. So we talked. Shared thoughts. And what else is the better way to do this but over good food and cups of coffee? After all, we’re both self-proclaimed Titas. Tonight, as I sit in my room with another cup of coffee (evening coffee it is), I replayed the entire day in my head. And I realized a few things.  Not all rewards are worth the trouble. This is the reason why I didn’t pressure myself to graduate with flying colors. I didn’t want to be in charge of anything that the professors

Penne pomodoro, anyone?  Work from home shouldn't be new to me - it's what I used to do some years before I got employed. I lived through my smartphone and relied to its internet connection to do research and submit deliverables. Life wasn't too complicated. In fact, I used to brag about it to my friends whenever they dread Monday on a drunken Sunday night. Because me, unlike them, have the luxury to sleep until late the next morning. It's been 15 working days since the elevator in our office building got busted (well, it's always under repair but this time is the longest in my history of working there). Since I have myasthenia gravis and walking up the stairs to the 16th floor would literally be suicide, my bosses agreed that I should work from home. Yes, they're considerate like that, and it sounds like a great deal. Until I discovered what awaited me. Being able to save the money for my daily expenses is one of the sure wins in this setup. There

It's two a.m and I don't know what I'm doing, or maybe I do, and I just don't want to admit it to myself. This is too clean a platform - I am still trying to migrate my previous blog posts here, and I am trying like I always do. I decided to recreate my blog (once again) to stave off my depression, or whatever negative thoughts and feelings I have right now. I have been working from home for almost a month, not exactly an enjoyable setup because heaven knows how I force myself to sit in front of my computer for the next 8 hours. One could say, "hey, you've been working from home all your life so what's the fuss?" but really, it's different when you're given something to write and you have a two-week deadline and you can just sleep it off the next ten days and actually start to get to work on the 13th day, as oppose to having someone hitting you up the whole day and tell you to do things. Gosh, I really want to go back to the office already

"Is he my Mr. Right?" "Is he The One?" Many of us single women (especially my age) are in search for the perfect life partner, discreetly or otherwise. The time is ticking, we're not getting any younger, and who actually has a hundred and twenty thousand pesos to freeze their eggs so we can still have legitimate kids after 50? Thus, whenever an opportunity to date comes our way, we always ask ourselves this question, "Is he the one?" No, I have nothing against those who go on dates for the sake of finding their life partner. After all, the time we enjoyed wasting isn't really wasted time at all. However, if we are going to be really honest with ourselves, do we really want to spend our time this way, when there's a lot more we can do than chasing boys? I made a personal decision on this, and I feel like it makes more sense and maybe even more practical. Stop chasing the right person. You lookin' for something miss?  Yes, s

She said there are things that aren't worth the fight even if you know in the end you'd win, says the character in one of my many WIP short stories. I can't remember what I was going through when I wrote that, but somehow it rang true when I read it again just a few days ago. There's a lot of things I want to do in life, and a lot of things I want to have. Things that have been so elusive all these years that sometimes I feel like I'm starting to get tired of chasing after them. We all love beautiful endings. Late night traffic does have its silver lining. Amidst the glaring street lights and the sad FM radio music (on a, sometimes, rainy night) I find the kind of peace that allows me to contemplate on how I am going to achieve that one shot at genuine happiness. I'm not the only person in the world who wants this, that's for sure. In everything I have right now and in everything I'm working so hard to achieve, I realized that there are just a few

"Kaya nga nag-asawa para magkaanak eh..." (That's the reason I got married, so I could have children... ) were the words of the jeepney driver to his friend who just got on his jeep. The friend motioned to his wife, carrying his son, and he said they are on their way to the hospital for the baby's check-up, and also for his wife to get her contraceptive shots. I am a daily commuter. Ever since I got employed, I have to battle with the ruthless Manila traffic, along with the dust and smoke and other forms of allergens and smells and grime that is the metro. As annoying as this may sound, the bright side of it is that I can use the time to listen to an entire Backstreet Boys album, or meditate and reflect on the reasons for my existence (both valid and invalid), or eavesdrop to the different stories shared by the other passengers and judge reflect on them. This morning I didn't have my earplugs on, and upon hearing manong driver's words

In 2009, life was much simpler and less complicated. I craved for more sleep (I was customer care specialist catering to clients 12-13 hours away from me) which meant staying at home way too often. I would buy cheesy, classic romantic films and binge watch them when I get off work on Saturday mornings. Some weekend mornings would be spent until late in the afternoon with my colleagues over sunrise beers, good food and seemingly endless laughter about bloopers during our calls. Or we'd just simply hang out at Starbucks for the lack of a better place to go. Or we'd go to the beach. Attendance should be mandatory, or I'd die of envy the next day because my friends had fun while I chose to sulk behind a book. Ten years ago, me-time meant book hunting, and I would hop from one bookstore to the next just to find a copy of Eleanor Rigby and Far From Xanadu, and later I would be told that the second book isn't available in the Philippines and I had to get it shipped. Whic

Not all disabilities are visible. Life with chronic illness is unimaginably challenging - it’s stressful and has the potential to pull away every shred of hope and strength you have in every aspect of your life. It has the capacity to rob you of the important things, and most of the time including your sanity. It drains you of every positive thought in your head, forcing you to believe that you’re this little piece of scum that has no value or meaning at all. I should know. I’m living this kind of life. Around this time of the year not more than six years ago, I was told I have myasthenia gravis . I could only imagine the blank stare I gave the doctor because one, I didn’t know what it was and two, that called for the question I so dreaded to ask. Is it curable? It took her some seconds before the doctor answered me back. It is treatable, yes. You see, myasthenia gravis is an autoimmune, neuromuscular disease that causes severe muscle weakness. When I say severe muscle weakn