Uh-hmm... it's 0150 and I can't seem to sleep. I just finished watching that Kdrama about adulting, the one that I should have finished watching over the weekend had I not chosen to lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling for hours. Come to think of it, is it still a do-nothing day if your mind's not empty? Probably not. But that has become my way of coping. Especially these days when there's nowhere to go but the kitchen, the bathroom, and the happy corner in my room. When everything appears to be falling apart and there's nothing else you can do but to watch idly as things break in front of you, you just stare at nowhere and wonder if life has ever been kind to you at one point. I don't really need to wonder about that, though. Life has been more than enough kind to me. I still have a job. My family's intact. I've a place to live. I've friends to call when I need help. 

Maybe I am just anxious. Another year has gone and it's the season where I once again ask myself what I have done. Did I accomplish anything? Did I do anything well the past year? Did I learn anything? Did I make something to be proud of? Am I living up to my purpose? Do I even know my purpose? These are questions I dread to face the answer, but eventually, I have to. 

April, you're halfway through. What am I supposed to do? 😅

What Turns You On album, CNBLUE

If hospital walls could speak, what kind of stories could they tell me, I would often wonder during the lonely afternoons I spent in the ICU many years ago. I figured it must be fascinating to hear stories of triumph over death, and of course heartbreaking to hear tales of defeat. Years later, I stumbled upon this book, and surprise surprise! It somehow resonates what I was thinking. Reading it was like listening to one of the walls that surrounded me when I was seemingly counting my every breath. And I should say the stories were all so vivid that I could smell the smells (disinfectant mixed with detergent). I could see the faceless crowd walking back and forth in hospital's dim corridors. I could hear the hush voices of the nurses drowned in the beep of the vital signs monitor.

From the doctor's point of view

If I am to write a non-fiction book, I'd write about my myasthenia gravis journey. I'd write about my hospital misadventures - the horrors of misdiagnosis, the fear of hearing the straight line not knowing if I'm next (well I do not fear death but I still want to enjoy life as long as I can), the excruciating pain of intubation, and maybe even the kind of banana that'll be served for lunch depending on the patient's socioeconomic status (I meant for this to be comic relief but it's not funny). Some Days You Can't Save Them All is almost the same for the most part, except that it's coming from the perspective of the other party. It's what the other side of the coin looks like. It's the part that made me understand that maybe I shouldn't have hated it when there used to be med students during my consultations, asking me questions I've already answered three times that day (please, I'm sorry). It's the side of the story that made me realize that doctors can only do so much, and I am fortunate enough to have met amazing doctors that made my MG journey bearable. It's the side of the story that says patients are not the only ones frustrated when procedures aren't done and meds aren't taken due to lack of funds. And somehow it's an apology, for there are times when doctors say things that shouldn't be said (tiis na lang muna, talagang ganyan ang MG) and it's too late for them to realize it and eventually be ashamed of themselves. Well, I guess not all doctors realize it when they're at fault but maybe most of them do. 

This is what the Philippine healthcare system looks like

Some days you could not save them all, but my patients - with their promise of a good story - reminded me that I should never stop trying. - Ron Baticulon, Some Days You Can't Save Them All

xo 

Gift-giving must be overrated during these troubled times. But what we always forget is that gifts do not have to be expensive. In fact, you can just put together random (but definitely useful) things you can find in your home and put together a nice letterbox gift set. It’s economical because you’d only spend a little amount of money. It’s sustainable because you do not need to use extra resources. Plus, it’s thoughtful and sweet because what’s more special than a gift that is carefully thought of?

Here are some of the letterbox gift sets you can put together at home, and I’d be more than delighted to receive one of them. 

Bullet journaling box. My fondness for bullet journaling is all over this blog. Naturally, I have a lot of extra supplies in my stash that I am easily able to put together a gift set for that. This is best for your friends who are into journaling, or anyone in your family who simply loves to write and doodle. The box includes a notebook, coloured pens, a cute fountain pen, and a set of washi tapes.  

New baby box. Some of my friends are about to give birth, and I just think that onesies and other baby stuff are just too popular a few people can only think of a baby journal. The baby’s firsts—steps, bite to solid food, word, and the likes are important and should be kept not only in memory but also in snapshots. Most parents would prefer these memories in videos but trust me when I say old school is still the best. This box includes a spiral blank notebook, metallic pens, washi tapes, and gel pens. You can also include baby svg printed in sticker paper for more decorative baby journal. 

“I Love You, Dad” box. Dads are surprisingly not too hard to please when it comes to gifts (well, at least mine is). All I had to do is think of what he likes—coffee, peanuts, and silk-screen printing. If your dad’s like me, you can just put together his favorite coffee and a coffee cup in a box. Plus, some printed dad svg for his silk-printing hobby.

Hygiene box. Hygiene kit has been there ever since the beginning of time—it always has a space in my bag whenever I’d be out of the house the whole day. Its importance cannot be warranted even more now that we are in the middle of a pandemic. In this box, I was able to put together an alcohol spray, surgical masks, mask organizer, and a germicidal soap. WHO must be proud of me!

“Time to relax” box. Work from home is such a stressful ordeal, so I need to look for ways on how to calm myself in an extra-tiring WFH day. This box is probably the easiest one to put together, next to the bullet journaling box. It includes a lavender bath soap, massage balm, calming essential oil, sheet masks, and packets of dried fruit teas.

There is something therapeutic about finding the time to curate something for someone, and likewise, to receive something thoughtful from a special person. Letterboxes perfectly does the job, plus it has far more benefits. 

What sort of letterbox are you going to put together for someone? Let’s talk about it in the comments section. 

xo

The words “sustainable living” have always daunted me. I feel like it’s only for Youtubers and people who can afford to buy organic food and sustainable clothing. I guess it really pays to dig deeper into things. Wikipedia defined sustainable living as a lifestyle that attempts to reduce an individual’s or society’s use of the Earth’s natural resources, and one’s personal resources. Putting it that way, it appears to be much easier and achievable than I imagined. So I sat down, looked around my bedroom and thought—okay, so where do I begin? Below are some of the things I came up with and I guarantee that if I am able to do these, you can do them too.

1. Say goodbye to paper bills. Organizing these envelopes is a job I don’t really want to deal with, plus they take up space albeit a small one in a hanging rack. Going paperless does wonders, as well as saying no to ATM receipts. It can be difficult at first, but thanks to Google spreadsheets I am able to organize everything. 

2. Bring eco-bags all the time. I always go to the department store on a whim, just to try out clothes and take selfies in the fitting room while in them. This de-stressing activity (well, for me) sometimes leads me to actually buy the clothes, thus the need for eco-bags. The same thing with groceries. So I’ve been bringing eco-bags with me every time I go out of the house so to avoid acquiring packaging that would probably go to waste. Better yet, it would actually be amazing if I could visit a plastic-free shop.

I bought these eco-bags a long time ago on a whim, just because they're cute. Now I bring them with me wherever I go.

My steel bottle is left in the office (heartbreaking, I know) so I'm using this at the moment.

morning coffee by the bed

8. Start doing sustainable simple swaps at home. It was last year too when I started using wooden toothbrushes, though I bought them at a local pharmacy. Reusable cotton pads are also a god-send, since I just had pay one-time and I just wash and reuse them over and over. Makeup remover means the virgin coconut oil in the kitchen. Eco-friendly all-purpose cleaner can also mean vinegar, lemon, and baking soda. These are all simple things but the impact is quite big. 

9. Buy second-hand items. I love reading books, and they’re all over my blog. And I prefer reading the printed book instead of Kindle. To make peace with myself on this issue, I opted for second-hand or preloved items. Sure, they do not have that addicting new paper and print smell every bookworm loves, but I suppose I can drop by a bookstore and sniff their books if I want to. 

10. Spend a night camping in the backyard from time to time to save on energy. This is something I haven’t done yet (since I do not have a backyard but my rooftop is spacious), but it’s been playing in my head for quite some time now. Look, it’ll allow you to turn off the electric appliances in the entire house, you get to enjoy the time with whoever is with you, and you get to watch the stars at night. Just be sure to have some insect repellent handy and, don’t forget the s’mores if you must eat. 

These are just simple things but they sure do make a big difference. Who knows, you might have been doing some of the items above without even realizing it. A sustainable lifestyle, as I now understood, doesn’t have to be expensive. In fact, it’s the kind of lifestyle that would allow us to save more.

Do you have other simple tips to do to start a sustainable life? 

xo

This article is in partnership with Green Pear Eco, a plastic-free shop and refill delivery service based in Cambridge, UK. They offer various everyday products and personal essentials that are sustainable and eco-friendly. You can check out their store at www.greenpeareco.com. Spread the looooove!

Just like my March entry, my April welcome post is one day late. I just completed the finishing touches of my April bullet journal spread this morning because I had to do something else last night.

Excuses.

Anyway, April has always been exciting because first, it's my birth month; second, it's when I published Right Where You Left Me in 2018 (wow has it really been 3 years?); and third, it's summer and ripe mangoes are everywhere (though there's only dry and wet season in the PH, I will always refer to April as the summer month). But I am not so keen this year because I do not look forward to another (god forbid) quarantined birthday celebration. I'm out of copies of Right Where You Left Me so how can I promote it? Public markets are the last thing I want to visit these days because I am still scared af with corona. Millennial problems? Maybe. I can hear people saying "people are dying everywhere and you worry about quarantined birthday how dare you!" 

April 2021 is still exciting though, because there's a lot of things that I look forward too. I am an EXO-L now and it's Sehun's birthday on the 12th. Yonghwa's Daebak Real Estate drama premieres on the 14th. Earth Day is on the 22nd and it's going to be the launch date of the environmental organization I just joined. It may not look like it, but I actually care about Mother Earth more that people could imagine. Heck, I even considered going zero-waste. And I guess, the point of all these is that, no matter how bitter and hard life could be, there's always, always a bright side to it, if you only take the time to look at it. 

April is self-care month.

The past quarter

The first quarter of the year felt dismal. I tried to be physically active in February, so I conquered my fear of corona and did morning walks with my old man. It made me feel good inside and out, because there's nothing more liberating than convening with nature after a year of accidental solitary confinement. I felt like the 5km walks every morning burned all the late-night ramyun and donuts I'd munched on evenings I'm caught crying over Kdrama scenes. It's a wonder to be seeing farm animals and at the same time a little bit heartbreaking to watch them graze in captivity. I thought it was gonna be like that for while, until the government declared curfews and executed community quarantine yet again because the country cannot get over the number of active cases of covid-19 and it's become out of control.

The river where the sun rises.

Despite that, I continued waking up at 0530, a habit I am glad to have acquired. It helped me to be more productive and more motivated to do the tasks I set for the day, both for work and for my passion projects. Although, I only read two books (Sa Paalam Nagwawakas Ang Lahat Ng Pagtatagpo and Single, Taken, Or Building My Empire) and watched two dramas (Hospital Playlist and Where Do I Come From). I didn't even post reviews on all of them because... I don't really know? Did I get busy? Maybe? Was I uninspired? Probably. Whatever it was that held me the last quarter should go away, because I refuse to slump the whole year. I have more books to read, more work to finish, and more projects to work on that I cannot wait to share so please please, bear with me because I'm trying! lol

I really want to ask you how you're coping up with all of these, but maybe most of you have gotten over the pandemic. Please send help, because we're going nowhere in this place. :D

xo

It’s day 376 since the community quarantine started (at least here in the PH) and here we are again, back to square one. Most urban cities are in lockdown again and people are gonna be stuck at home again for heaven knows how many days. But instead of sulking and being mad about this seemingly never-ending nightmare, let’s just focus our energy on happy things. Because now, more than ever, we need to be more creative to avoid boredom and keep our sanity at bay. There’s a lot of things that my creative side has worked on in the past year, and here are 10 lockdown activities you can do to inspire creativity. 

1. Make a bullet journal. Writing is a great therapy for many people, and I am one of them. Travel plans may have been cancelled but hey, that virtual wine session via Zoom with your friends is something to remember. You have gotta write down how to make dirty horchata because dalgona is so 2020. Unleash that creativity you have within. Maybe you do not have the best handwriting in the world but who cares? Well, actually, if you really care about that, you can check out some fancy fonts online and just create your own bujo stickers.

Yep, this is my first blog header.

3. Create a Youtube channel. Okay, this one is pretty intimidating. Well, kind of. I never imagined myself being a Youtuber only because I’m camera shy… but here I am with 22 subscribers in my 0-year-old vlog. It’s mainly unboxing videos and I really have to be creative and come up with ways on how I can keep my face from the camera. Film the sunrise in your room. Or a time-lapse of you organizing your closet. Let your creative juices ooze. 

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6. Learn a new language. Oh yes, this is one of the few things that made me proud of myself. Learning Hangul felt like a requirement when I got introduced to the world of Kpop, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. At first, it’s intimidating and I had to be creative in making conversations in my head to better understand how the language works, but if you really put your heart into it, you’d be able to say 안녕하세요, 날씨가 좋네요 to a cute oppa in no time.

7. Organize your room. Decluttering is another therapeutic activity, along with organizing your room and making way for aesthetics. Place some colorful curtains for a different vibe. Paint your walls with a new color, or you can even try to do murals! Allow your artsy side to reign on this project.  

8. Spare a creativity nook. There's a corner in my room I call The Happy Corner, where there are books, Kpop albums, and inspiring words that are supposed to keep me going. Fill the walls with postcards of the places you want to visit when this is all over. Take a quote from your favorite book and create a poster out of it. If you’re not sure how to start on this, check out Design Bundles for tons of affordable digital products such as graphics, templates, mock-ups, patterns, illustrations and craft files.

It took me days to figure out how to install this. Forgive me, it's my first time.

9. Establish a book club. This is another one of the things that I’m proud of myself for doing during the hard lockdown days. My friends and I started Pages In Between, and our creativity has to go to the next level in order to decide what book to read next. 

10. Write, write, write. As a writer, this is the ultimate comfort activity I do when all else fails. I sit by the window, watch the stars, stare at the moon and write a haiku. Believe it or not, I may be able to produce a compilation of haikus at this rate. It doesn’t have to be romantic or anything. Just write what’s on your head. 

Getting creative is so much fun. It’s the best way to shift your focus into much brighter things. Do you have any more ideas on how to inspire creativity while being stuck at home? Let’s talk about it in the comments below. 

xo

This entry should have been written and published yesterday, as the month officially begins. But Spotify decided to deprive me of CNBLUE music (or is it Kakao M? Idk they have contradicting statements) and work pay is a little bit too late. Not that I am complaining - I bought physical albums of my Kpop stars so I can still enjoy their music with or without a streaming service, and most people don't even have work pay to wait for. My millennial problems are too grave, ain't it? Thus the reason why I thought it's forgivable for me to post this one day late. 

February was a good month, though. Very promising. Just like in 2020, February showed me the things I should try, places I should visit, and different kinds of arts to experience. In 2021, it's the month when I started to wake up at 0530 to enjoy my morning coffee and do brisk walking at six. The plan is to do it everyday except on Sundays (because on Sundays we go to church). I've also started eating healthier food, drank more water, and slept for at least 7 hours at night. Though there wasn't a single book I finished for the month, I was able to meet two of my closest friends and enjoyed good food with them, and did some more outdoor things. Roadtrip is fun, full of surprises, and the best way to learn a lot of things about a person. 

March, on the other hand, will forever give me a little bit of anxiety. Involuntary confinement started halfway of it last year, and heaven knows what it might bring this year. Quality vaccine? The success of my freelance project? Becoming more environmentally-friendly? A more productive and proactive me? Who knows? Maybe we are destined to design our fate. Thus my bullet journaling. Planning ahead gives me a sense of security. It gives me a feeling that I have a purpose of waking up everyday. Those little and seemingly mundane tasks are what I live for these days. They make me happy. And they validate my existence. 

March, it's been a while. Let's be kinder to each other this time around. 

xo

Psychology, factions, secret societies, and maybe even conspiracy theories - these are just some of the things you can expect from this action-packed suspense, written by Filipino author Christian Khiel Pineda Unto. Broken Bard is the first installment of the Requiem series featuring the psychology student/journalist Sky Colburn.

What is it about

The death of a psychiatric ward patient leads Sky Colburn to investigate the whereabouts of the seemingly righteous governor Richter Raven. As Sky dug deeper and deeper into Raven's back story, he didn't only prove that the governor was the mastermind of the gruesome murder - Raven is also up to creating an army consisting of mind-controlled soldiers who are either kidnapped or forced to undergo a brutal, underground training program. Soon, Sky finds himself at war against Raven and his men, and his accidental union with a secret society that aims to turn Raven down not only became his saving grace, but it also led to his discovery of something unexpected about himself. 

Psychology and mind games, anyone? 

I seldom come across fiction that has something to do directly with psychology. I find it fascinating and at the same time challenging, to be engaged on the study of how the human mind works and how powerful it is. This novel just proved just how powerful the human mind could be. Although I WOULDnever understood why Sky chooses to play the violin in the middle of an encounter with guns and other deadly weapons, the possibility that a war can commence through mind control leaves me in complete awe. Did Sky choose the right weapon to fight the war? Probably. It's bloodless, merciful, and somewhat humane, but to be able to further understand his desire to prevent bloodshed in a "war" I'd need to read the next installment of this series. Plus, for a moment it made me wonder what if these kinds of society wars really exist? What if there are really mind-controlled soldiers (who furiously post and comment on social media about who is the best leader in this country)? Needless to say, books in this subject stir my head a little bit and begin to ask, what if?

Too many questions

Some situations in the book make me want to read more of it, if only to satisfy the plot-related questions in my head. Why was Sky so invested in Abigaile's case? It wasn't mentioned anywhere if Abigaile was maybe Sky's sister, or former lover, or any other connection than being a patient in the psychiatric ward where he works. I believe there must be a much deeper reason for Sky in wanting to track down Abigaile's murderer. How did Sky manage to go against Raven, when he was just sixteen and two years later he almost singlehandedly kept his comrades in the society from dying as they were about to be defeated in the underground encounter with the Raven's Arcanum? Look, I really need answers to these questions (and maybe more) so I need that next book!

Should you read it? 

If you need a mind-bogging read, Broken Bard is for you. Although I must say that this isn’t an easy read, as it needs focus and attention to detail. If the next book is out, please! Count me in!

xo

image source

All things relatable

Not gonna lie, the main reason I was compelled to watch this drama is because of Doekmi's (Minyoung) fangirling. Man, she's obsessed with Cha Shian, a member of a fictional Kpop group White Ocean. If I didn't happen to be into Kpop, I'd wonder if her fangirling shenanigans actually happen in real life. Her studio apartment is a dream to all the fangirls out there, from her Shian standee to all of Sian's portraits she made herself. If there's a need for an ultimate fangirling guide, one must tear a page out of Deokmi's book.

that ultimate fangirling moment

Apart from being a fangirl, Doekmi is the curator of a fine arts museum, something I almost did some years ago. Okay, writing artwork descriptions is different, but still. My love for fine arts intensified while watching this drama. If you've been reading this blog (of if you follow me on Instagram), you'd know. It made me want to abruptly end my solitary confinement and visit galleries and museums so to quench my lust for artworks and analyze what they could possibly mean. 

The dark side of fangirling

If there's one thing I'd never understand about Kpop fangirling, it's that fans are enraged when they learn that their idol is involved in a romantic relationship. I mean, c'mon. It doesn't take a lot of muscles to be more mature about it and accept the fact that idols are also human with emotions and naturally they can also fall in love. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw tweets from fans cancelling EXO's Chanyeol because his pictures with his alleged ex-girlfriend circulated online, and these fans were all prepared to believe some poorly edited snapshots rather than empathize with their idol in his silence. It's sad when fans hated Chen just because he was suddenly getting married and wanted to be happy. Sure, it's sad because the possibility of them dating these fans someday is gone, but that doesn't warrant so much hate to the point of hating Xiumin too, for owning Chen's signed albums. The things Doekmi would have had to go through if our charming Ryan Gold wasn't there to save her were pretty horrible, criminal even. Although to be fair, Doekmi tried to explain how the fans must have felt - they feel betrayed because they poured every ounce of love and support they could give to their idols and only to be fooled like that. But with or without her explaining things, I'd never understand why there has to be so much loathing. In the end, all went well, because it paved the way (some big words there, huh) for Doekmi and Ryan to get closer and eventually fall in love. 

The kind of guy...

Look, if you can't get to date your idol, make sure to at least find a guy who supports your fangirling shenanigans. Find the guy who realizes it when he's at fault, never refuses to admit it, and says sorry. Find the guy who's brave enough to face his fears, by telling you about it and allowing you to help him get through it. Find that guy who goes to the park with your family for a picnic. 

But a guy who's allergic to coffee... well, I'm not sure. :D

Will you date a co-worker, though?

The things I share in this space are mostly my first-hand experience, otherwise I witnessed them happening to my close friends. So when I say that dating a co-worker is a disaster, believe me, because the odds are, I've been there and I know what I am saying. It's messy and awkward, I kid you not. Doekmi and Ryan, along with Miso and Youngjoon (What's Wrong With Secretary Kim) and Nanase and Kairi (Love Lasts Forever) have successfully brought butterflies in our stomachs as they get to spend more time with each other simply because they're in the same workplace. It really looks fun, and it's because nothing wrong has ever happened in their relationships. When Doekmi finally decided she was falling for Ryan and ended their fake relationship, it was awkward as hell, not only for them but for their other colleagues too. It's like walking on eggshells, and can you really imagine your work friends ranting about how crappy your boss is and he happens to be your boyfriend? Or worse, what if you broke up? And he starts dating someone else? Okay, let me be clear though. I'm not generally against it, but dating a co-worker has been long ago scratched from my list.

We stan character developments and undying friendships

Fangirling isn't exclusive to just ogling at the pretty face of your idol all day everyday, may it be on vLive, variety show reruns, dramas, or posters on your wall. It gave me an enjoyable workload, as I am now asked to write a paid article about Kpop stars. Neat, right? Sun-joo, Doekmi's best friend and fangirling buddy isn't just the best friend who follows Doekmi around. She has her own life, own story, and own heartbreak that Doekmi also becomes "the best friend" at some point, and I'm totally living for it. She's the epitome of fangirls who finally woke up from the dream and created her own happily ever after. It wasn't perfect by all means, at some point she was betrayed and heartbroken. But fangirls must have hearts stronger than anyone else. 

Love does not hurt. Your expectation does.

Cindy, another die-hard Shian fan, is your typical spoiled-brat who does whatever the hell she wants. Having someone like her as an intern is a pain, but really. All she needed was time and, a huge trigger, and a second chance to prove she was more than that. I mean, I know she appears to be a lot of work to become a reliable employee, but it all worked out in the end. Girl, if you know someone like Cindy, maybe you shouldn't give up on that person just yet even if my patience is about to snap I still hope that one day she'll come around.

The soundtrack

Tabula rasa - a phrase I've learned from my favorite Gayle Forman book. It means clean slate. Starting over. Begin fresh. Leave everything behind as you move forward. The new year is a beautiful opportunity to do all of these, in addition to setting new goals for the year, creating vision boards and working on some long-term projects. But after everything we went through in 2020, is it still worth it? What are the odds that 2021 would not be different? What if it's tougher? What if I'd just go #NoGoals2021 again?

If you have goals then there's nothing you can't do. But first, coffee.

Why creating goals is important

Goals make me more determined, and they provide for this constant need to prove myself. This is the reason why despite my last year's mantra, I still started working on some projects. It doesn't matter if it's something I've done before, or something simple. I set goals because they bring me joy and self-fulfilment. They give me motivation and sense of purpose. They serve as a distraction from the pressure and the anxiety brought about by the things beyond my control. They give me something to look forward to. They make me happy.

How do you create goals?

I only ever use the smart strategy in my nine-to-five. Rules stress me out, and I prefer inventing my own strategy. Or maybe I use this too in my passion projects, but just subconsciously. It says the goal should be smart - specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and there's a timeframe. Producing a new story for printing is quite specific - meaning I am just going to produce a new material that may or may not be published this year. I'd measure it by word count - so if I aim to write a 30,000-word story, I should be able to record my progress as I work my way through the given timeline. Is it attainable and realistic? Yes. I've done this before, so given that I don't procrastinate or spend more time in social media than I should, I'd be able to complete a story in three months (timeframe). 

Like I said, it doesn't matter if the goal is something you've done before, or something simple. Reading 12 books the entire year is an excellent goal. Binge-watching 25 Kdramas would be amazing. Getting over a heartbreak is a brave move. Aiming to drink 8 glasses of water everyday for 365 days is one big step towards a healthier you. There is no goal more important than the other, or maybe bigger than the other. As long as it brings you the reasons why you're doing it, it is something that you should be proud of. So write them down, determine your reasons for doing them, decide on how you'd measure your progress, see if they are achievable, and finally, give yourself a decent amount of time to work on them.

How do you achieve your goals?

I really have no idea on how to achieve goals except... actually working on them. Establishing routines helps big time. Allot a certain amount of time every day, just to work on these goals. It could be right after breakfast, or while you're enjoying your 5th cup of coffee for the day, or maybe before you hit the sack at night. Never underestimate small progress - always remember that progress is still progress. Writing at least 500 words every day is 500 words closer to finishing my story (I did this with If I Knew Then). Reading 10 pages of a novel every evening is a small step, but it is a step towards finishing the book you're reading. Also, avoid doubting yourself. This might sound easier said than done but believe me, doubting yourself will get you nowhere. Surround yourself with people you trust and people who genuinely believe in you, and listen to them. The idiots outside your circle can talk after you've proved yourself, I kid you not. Most importantly, make sure you're still having fun. You won't continue watching a Kdrama if you realize early on it's not your cup of tea, right?

So yes, I suggest you set goals this year. Despite the uncertainty. Even if we have no idea what 2021 might bring, let's make good things happen still. Let's make this year a memorable one because it's the year we achieved something. 

xo

And just like that, my most awaited day of the year is gone. It's been two days, Christmas already came and went, my holiday also started days ago but I am just starting to really feel it. 

During the Christmas week, I'd make sure my hair is taken cared of - either it's going to be rebonded or cut or colored. I'd shop for new set of clothes for the New Year. I'd meet some friends over cups of coffee. Attend the Sunday mass. Stop by Power Books in Shangri-La and check out a couple of books to read during the holiday break. Binge-watch My Love From The Star which is what I've been doing for the past 4 Christmases now because for some reason, it somehow adds to the festive mood and I love Do Min Joon to the stars and back. Arrange my room a little bit and sort out my possessions by the items to keep, items to give away, and items to discard. All while Ariana Grande's Santa Tell Me and Backstreet Boys It's Christmas Time Again play on repeat on Spotify. 

This year, Christmas week is different. Christmas eve dinner food lasted for at least two and a half days (which isn't bad, really). I lounged around the house in my pajamas with a bottle of wine (nothing fancy, just a cheap red from 7-eleven) while CNBLUE'S new CD is playing. I also wacthed Yonghwa's online fan meet again - evidently, I couldn't get enough of its version of You, My Star which is my favorite Jung Yong Hwa song next to Because I Miss You. I am also trying to fill my Kpop journal (yes, that a6 notebook that every Kpop fan possesses). As much as I like to clean my room, I just couldn't get off bed - it's raining outside and what's better to do than to curl up and binge-watch yet another Kdrama with a cup of coffee? Yes, I am currently halfway done watching one about a fangirl, fine arts, and a mighty handsome fine arts gallery director. I am planning to write a story after this.

I still have a few days left before the New Year though, so a lot of things can still happen. 

메리 크리스마스! 

Oh yes, it's the Natalie Imbruglia song that's on my head right now. You know that moment - when you're in a certain situation and a song lyric just fits perfectly? You're breaking up with your really nice boyfriend and so you just can't have the heart to tell him it's over, you sing, "breaking up is hard to do." Or maybe you're trying to explain the customer over the phone why her bill is so high and you're just going back and forth with your explanations, and suddenly at the back of your head you sing, "round and round and round it goes..."

Yes, this is me right now.

Nothing's fine, I'm torn...

I am torn between a lot of things right now. I am torn between reading Rant and Tomorrow In Battle Think On Me. Should I continue writing in my old blog and make my future posts count or start anew? I am caught between leaving and forgetting everything behind to enjoy a clean slate and actually live continuously and accept that triumphs and failures are both wonderful experiences that are part of growth and self-improvement. I am torn between doing a lot of things, things that matter and things that I love, and sitting idly to just watch the world go by. Hell, I even feel like I'm torn between rebellion and submission! 

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel...

But unlike how the song goes, I am not all out of faith. Somewhere along the way, I'll find the most suitable answers. Eventually, I'll come up with a decision. And it won't be too late. 

Or maybe I am just caught up with the fact that this awful year is finally ending.

Do I get up or do I just stay in bed and stare at the ceiling some more?