Uh-hmm... it's 0150 and I can't seem to sleep. I just finished watching that Kdrama about adulting, the one that I should have finished watching over the weekend had I not chosen to lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling for hours. Come to think of it, is it still a do-nothing day if your mind's not empty? Probably not. But that has become my way of coping. Especially these days when there's nowhere to go but the kitchen, the bathroom, and the happy corner in my room. When everything appears to be falling apart and there's nothing else you can do but to watch idly as things break in front of you, you just stare at nowhere and wonder if life has ever been kind to you at one point. I don't really need to wonder about that, though. Life has been more than enough kind to me. I still have a job. My family's intact. I've a place to live. I've friends to call when I need help. 

Maybe I am just anxious. Another year has gone and it's the season where I once again ask myself what I have done. Did I accomplish anything? Did I do anything well the past year? Did I learn anything? Did I make something to be proud of? Am I living up to my purpose? Do I even know my purpose? These are questions I dread to face the answer, but eventually, I have to. 

April, you're halfway through. What am I supposed to do? 😅

What Turns You On album, CNBLUE

If hospital walls could speak, what kind of stories could they tell me, I would often wonder during the lonely afternoons I spent in the ICU many years ago. I figured it must be fascinating to hear stories of triumph over death, and of course heartbreaking to hear tales of defeat. Years later, I stumbled upon this book, and surprise surprise! It somehow resonates what I was thinking. Reading it was like listening to one of the walls that surrounded me when I was seemingly counting my every breath. And I should say the stories were all so vivid that I could smell the smells (disinfectant mixed with detergent). I could see the faceless crowd walking back and forth in hospital's dim corridors. I could hear the hush voices of the nurses drowned in the beep of the vital signs monitor.

From the doctor's point of view

If I am to write a non-fiction book, I'd write about my myasthenia gravis journey. I'd write about my hospital misadventures - the horrors of misdiagnosis, the fear of hearing the straight line not knowing if I'm next (well I do not fear death but I still want to enjoy life as long as I can), the excruciating pain of intubation, and maybe even the kind of banana that'll be served for lunch depending on the patient's socioeconomic status (I meant for this to be comic relief but it's not funny). Some Days You Can't Save Them All is almost the same for the most part, except that it's coming from the perspective of the other party. It's what the other side of the coin looks like. It's the part that made me understand that maybe I shouldn't have hated it when there used to be med students during my consultations, asking me questions I've already answered three times that day (please, I'm sorry). It's the side of the story that made me realize that doctors can only do so much, and I am fortunate enough to have met amazing doctors that made my MG journey bearable. It's the side of the story that says patients are not the only ones frustrated when procedures aren't done and meds aren't taken due to lack of funds. And somehow it's an apology, for there are times when doctors say things that shouldn't be said (tiis na lang muna, talagang ganyan ang MG) and it's too late for them to realize it and eventually be ashamed of themselves. Well, I guess not all doctors realize it when they're at fault but maybe most of them do. 

This is what the Philippine healthcare system looks like

Some days you could not save them all, but my patients - with their promise of a good story - reminded me that I should never stop trying. - Ron Baticulon, Some Days You Can't Save Them All

xo 

Gift-giving must be overrated during these troubled times. But what we always forget is that gifts do not have to be expensive. In fact, you can just put together random (but definitely useful) things you can find in your home and put together a nice letterbox gift set. It’s economical because you’d only spend a little amount of money. It’s sustainable because you do not need to use extra resources. Plus, it’s thoughtful and sweet because what’s more special than a gift that is carefully thought of?

Here are some of the letterbox gift sets you can put together at home, and I’d be more than delighted to receive one of them. 

Bullet journaling box. My fondness for bullet journaling is all over this blog. Naturally, I have a lot of extra supplies in my stash that I am easily able to put together a gift set for that. This is best for your friends who are into journaling, or anyone in your family who simply loves to write and doodle. The box includes a notebook, coloured pens, a cute fountain pen, and a set of washi tapes.  

New baby box. Some of my friends are about to give birth, and I just think that onesies and other baby stuff are just too popular a few people can only think of a baby journal. The baby’s firsts—steps, bite to solid food, word, and the likes are important and should be kept not only in memory but also in snapshots. Most parents would prefer these memories in videos but trust me when I say old school is still the best. This box includes a spiral blank notebook, metallic pens, washi tapes, and gel pens. You can also include baby svg printed in sticker paper for more decorative baby journal. 

“I Love You, Dad” box. Dads are surprisingly not too hard to please when it comes to gifts (well, at least mine is). All I had to do is think of what he likes—coffee, peanuts, and silk-screen printing. If your dad’s like me, you can just put together his favorite coffee and a coffee cup in a box. Plus, some printed dad svg for his silk-printing hobby.

Hygiene box. Hygiene kit has been there ever since the beginning of time—it always has a space in my bag whenever I’d be out of the house the whole day. Its importance cannot be warranted even more now that we are in the middle of a pandemic. In this box, I was able to put together an alcohol spray, surgical masks, mask organizer, and a germicidal soap. WHO must be proud of me!

“Time to relax” box. Work from home is such a stressful ordeal, so I need to look for ways on how to calm myself in an extra-tiring WFH day. This box is probably the easiest one to put together, next to the bullet journaling box. It includes a lavender bath soap, massage balm, calming essential oil, sheet masks, and packets of dried fruit teas.

There is something therapeutic about finding the time to curate something for someone, and likewise, to receive something thoughtful from a special person. Letterboxes perfectly does the job, plus it has far more benefits. 

What sort of letterbox are you going to put together for someone? Let’s talk about it in the comments section. 

xo

The words “sustainable living” have always daunted me. I feel like it’s only for Youtubers and people who can afford to buy organic food and sustainable clothing. I guess it really pays to dig deeper into things. Wikipedia defined sustainable living as a lifestyle that attempts to reduce an individual’s or society’s use of the Earth’s natural resources, and one’s personal resources. Putting it that way, it appears to be much easier and achievable than I imagined. So I sat down, looked around my bedroom and thought—okay, so where do I begin? Below are some of the things I came up with and I guarantee that if I am able to do these, you can do them too.

1. Say goodbye to paper bills. Organizing these envelopes is a job I don’t really want to deal with, plus they take up space albeit a small one in a hanging rack. Going paperless does wonders, as well as saying no to ATM receipts. It can be difficult at first, but thanks to Google spreadsheets I am able to organize everything. 

2. Bring eco-bags all the time. I always go to the department store on a whim, just to try out clothes and take selfies in the fitting room while in them. This de-stressing activity (well, for me) sometimes leads me to actually buy the clothes, thus the need for eco-bags. The same thing with groceries. So I’ve been bringing eco-bags with me every time I go out of the house so to avoid acquiring packaging that would probably go to waste. Better yet, it would actually be amazing if I could visit a plastic-free shop.

I bought these eco-bags a long time ago on a whim, just because they're cute. Now I bring them with me wherever I go.

My steel bottle is left in the office (heartbreaking, I know) so I'm using this at the moment.

morning coffee by the bed

8. Start doing sustainable simple swaps at home. It was last year too when I started using wooden toothbrushes, though I bought them at a local pharmacy. Reusable cotton pads are also a god-send, since I just had pay one-time and I just wash and reuse them over and over. Makeup remover means the virgin coconut oil in the kitchen. Eco-friendly all-purpose cleaner can also mean vinegar, lemon, and baking soda. These are all simple things but the impact is quite big. 

9. Buy second-hand items. I love reading books, and they’re all over my blog. And I prefer reading the printed book instead of Kindle. To make peace with myself on this issue, I opted for second-hand or preloved items. Sure, they do not have that addicting new paper and print smell every bookworm loves, but I suppose I can drop by a bookstore and sniff their books if I want to. 

10. Spend a night camping in the backyard from time to time to save on energy. This is something I haven’t done yet (since I do not have a backyard but my rooftop is spacious), but it’s been playing in my head for quite some time now. Look, it’ll allow you to turn off the electric appliances in the entire house, you get to enjoy the time with whoever is with you, and you get to watch the stars at night. Just be sure to have some insect repellent handy and, don’t forget the s’mores if you must eat. 

These are just simple things but they sure do make a big difference. Who knows, you might have been doing some of the items above without even realizing it. A sustainable lifestyle, as I now understood, doesn’t have to be expensive. In fact, it’s the kind of lifestyle that would allow us to save more.

Do you have other simple tips to do to start a sustainable life? 

xo

This article is in partnership with Green Pear Eco, a plastic-free shop and refill delivery service based in Cambridge, UK. They offer various everyday products and personal essentials that are sustainable and eco-friendly. You can check out their store at www.greenpeareco.com. Spread the looooove!

Just like my March entry, my April welcome post is one day late. I just completed the finishing touches of my April bullet journal spread this morning because I had to do something else last night.

Excuses.

Anyway, April has always been exciting because first, it's my birth month; second, it's when I published Right Where You Left Me in 2018 (wow has it really been 3 years?); and third, it's summer and ripe mangoes are everywhere (though there's only dry and wet season in the PH, I will always refer to April as the summer month). But I am not so keen this year because I do not look forward to another (god forbid) quarantined birthday celebration. I'm out of copies of Right Where You Left Me so how can I promote it? Public markets are the last thing I want to visit these days because I am still scared af with corona. Millennial problems? Maybe. I can hear people saying "people are dying everywhere and you worry about quarantined birthday how dare you!" 

April 2021 is still exciting though, because there's a lot of things that I look forward too. I am an EXO-L now and it's Sehun's birthday on the 12th. Yonghwa's Daebak Real Estate drama premieres on the 14th. Earth Day is on the 22nd and it's going to be the launch date of the environmental organization I just joined. It may not look like it, but I actually care about Mother Earth more that people could imagine. Heck, I even considered going zero-waste. And I guess, the point of all these is that, no matter how bitter and hard life could be, there's always, always a bright side to it, if you only take the time to look at it. 

April is self-care month.

The past quarter

The first quarter of the year felt dismal. I tried to be physically active in February, so I conquered my fear of corona and did morning walks with my old man. It made me feel good inside and out, because there's nothing more liberating than convening with nature after a year of accidental solitary confinement. I felt like the 5km walks every morning burned all the late-night ramyun and donuts I'd munched on evenings I'm caught crying over Kdrama scenes. It's a wonder to be seeing farm animals and at the same time a little bit heartbreaking to watch them graze in captivity. I thought it was gonna be like that for while, until the government declared curfews and executed community quarantine yet again because the country cannot get over the number of active cases of covid-19 and it's become out of control.

The river where the sun rises.

Despite that, I continued waking up at 0530, a habit I am glad to have acquired. It helped me to be more productive and more motivated to do the tasks I set for the day, both for work and for my passion projects. Although, I only read two books (Sa Paalam Nagwawakas Ang Lahat Ng Pagtatagpo and Single, Taken, Or Building My Empire) and watched two dramas (Hospital Playlist and Where Do I Come From). I didn't even post reviews on all of them because... I don't really know? Did I get busy? Maybe? Was I uninspired? Probably. Whatever it was that held me the last quarter should go away, because I refuse to slump the whole year. I have more books to read, more work to finish, and more projects to work on that I cannot wait to share so please please, bear with me because I'm trying! lol

I really want to ask you how you're coping up with all of these, but maybe most of you have gotten over the pandemic. Please send help, because we're going nowhere in this place. :D

xo